And Then Some...

For the past week Grahamstown, or rather some parts of Grahamstown have been getting by with bottled water. I do not even want to think about costs, considering the fact that an endless supply has been shipped out to Rhodes. I suppose the university and the town alike would have many a angry parent on their hands.
One thing's for sure, it's been a hell of week. Intoxicated water and what not. Only in Grahamstown.
Earlier this week, on monday, I was told something which is so hard to deal with... and yet I have no choice but to accept it and face it. Clinical Depression. It's one of those things I used to think "Oh, that won't happen to me", but guess what? It did.

I kind of understand where my cousin comes from now. She suffers from Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression). I know it's not the same... but I can't help, nonetheless, really empathising with her. I tried so hard to hide it... and I think I succeeded to a certain extent, which is probably why things turned out the way they did.
I remember how we all just used to think she was really moody and bad-tempered... until one day she was diagnosed. She's so strong though; I don't know if I could have handled being in her shoes. I'm struggling to handle a much less serious medical problem, what more what she has to go through.

Last weekend I experienced something like a breakdown of some sorts. That's where all of this started. I am in the process of discovering the cause in order to come to a solution, but talking does so much good. That's something that I'll never fail at doing. Talking...

Anyway, I am currently seeing a counsellor so that should be useful. I can't help but feel crazy. Me? Seeing a shrink? Because that is what it is... I'm seeing a shrink. I somehow imagined such a day being the happiest of my life. I always joke about having to find myself a shrink. I knew I was destined to end up in that chair... you don't live life the way I do and get away with it without a scratch. That would be a miracle.

I owe a lot to my "breakdown"... but mostly my carelessness. I cannot believe I neglected myself like I did. I know better now.

I can only hope that this won't have a serious effect on my exams... seeing as it's that time of the year again. I guess this is where my Faith comes in...

There are just some things a person should never take for granted, like the fact that one is able to live a normal life without serious problems. The last thing you should do is overload it with trivial things that will ultimately amount to a heavy load of nothing that's just causing so much pain and agony.
Until then, though, I shall continue with the sessions and maybe, just maybe, I may come out of this the same person I've always been. For now, I just have to accept, deal and move on... because that's just how the cookie crumbles.

Crash & Burn....