The Harsh Realities About Life And Everything Else
I was talking to a friend of mine and at one point during the conversation the topic of discussion moved from boyfriends and girlfriends to girlfriends/boyfriends being "let go" for someone of the same sex. There came a point when I realised that this was a hectic issue.
I shared my experience of what I remembered from my first J2 Radio lecture earlier this term. Our lecturer, in trying to introduce us to the course, played some recordings they had from last semester. One recording which stuck out like a sore thumb was the one where Shelly spoke about the moment when her boyfriend broke up with her last year because he was gay. She couldn't express enough how crushed, ashamed and embarassed she was to know him and to have been with him, and she never wanted to see him again.
In the recording she went on about how she felt so dirty and so unclean, as well as how difficult it was for her.
The only thing that was going through my mind when the tape was being played was how she could be so insensitive and talk about her then boyfriend like he was a monster of some sort. Yeah, sure she must have been humiliated and disgusted, but what about the guy? I'm sure he must have also had a rough time. It can't be easy having to accept the fact that as a male you're attracted to other males and not females. The mere fact that he had a girlfriend just proves this.
I can't even begin to understand what he must have went through. As much as society nowadays may be somewhat accepting of homosexuality, in some households that ideal doesn't mean much, if anything at all. What if he has a dad who doesn't even speak of homosexuals? What if to him homosexuals are not human beings? What if his mom believed with her entire soul that anyone and everyone who is gay or lesbian will never see heaven? It can't be easy for someone to deal with something like that.
Most African cultures do not understand the concept of being gay or lebian and therefore do not accept it. In many cases parents have disowned their children because of it. I think that is the worst thing a parent can do to their child. It erases the idea of unconditional love completely. I could never do that to my child. I don't particularly agree with homosexuality but if my son or daughter were to come to me and tell me that this is the deal, I would accept it and reassure him or her that nothing has changed.
I took a decision some years ago never to judge anyone based on their sexual orientation. We are not God. What right have we to say what he or she is doing with him or her is wrong? I always try to think of myself in their shoes. If I was to discover that I was a homosexual I wouldn't want my parents to cut all ties with me. I would want them to tell me that they don't judge me and they will always be by my side, no matter what society thinks or says.
I have many friends on campus who are either gay or lesbian and some of them have been subjected to other students' preconceived ideas that homosexuality is wrong and a sin and any individual engaging in any such activity didn't deserve to live. I think that is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard and seen. There has actually been an extremely high rise in homophobia since last year and that worries me because more people keep getting beaten up; Gay Bashing, as they call it.
Frankly, if I was Shelly and my boyfriend told me he was gay my reaction would have probably been very different. Naturally, I would feel some sense of humiliation I guess. I do, however, think that with my being the kind of person that I am I would very quickly start worrying about everything else. The situation is bigger than just "I'm humiliated and ashamed. Stay away from me. I never want to see you again". Surely I must mean something to him if he felt he couldn't string me along and lie to me by pretending to be heterosexual then he can keep face. If he can gather up that much courage to tell me that it means he is actually looking out for me. So surely then he can't be all that bad.
Coming from an African/Black family and having been raised with certain ideals, I would start worrying about whether he still has parents. By this I mean two adults who consider him worthy of being their son and don't feel that his sexuality changes anything about him.
It can't be easy being told that you fell in love with a guy you thought was heterosexual, but turned out to be gay. I sympathise with her. But at the same time, it can't be easy discovering that about yourself and having to accept it. It can't be easy knowing that you may be letting your parents down; your entire family. It can't be easy knowing that you have destroyed someone else's happiness just so you can live in denial. I can't be easy realising that you're gay and suddenly having to deal with it. So for that, I sympathise with her ex-boyfriend as well.
A person will never change; they will always stay the same. That person will always be the same guy or girl you've known. Why should I now pull ranks because he or she tells me she may be homosexual? What does that then say about me? What does it say about the people I value? Nothing. That simple fact; that minor detail can never change the fact that I appreciate you as a person and as a friend. My friends mean more to me than what society says or thinks. I value the people in my life and I would stick by them... no matter what. I would stick by them... homosexual, heterosexual or anything else. That doesn't, and can never ever change who they are. Never!
Crash & Burn...
I was talking to a friend of mine and at one point during the conversation the topic of discussion moved from boyfriends and girlfriends to girlfriends/boyfriends being "let go" for someone of the same sex. There came a point when I realised that this was a hectic issue.
I shared my experience of what I remembered from my first J2 Radio lecture earlier this term. Our lecturer, in trying to introduce us to the course, played some recordings they had from last semester. One recording which stuck out like a sore thumb was the one where Shelly spoke about the moment when her boyfriend broke up with her last year because he was gay. She couldn't express enough how crushed, ashamed and embarassed she was to know him and to have been with him, and she never wanted to see him again.
In the recording she went on about how she felt so dirty and so unclean, as well as how difficult it was for her.
The only thing that was going through my mind when the tape was being played was how she could be so insensitive and talk about her then boyfriend like he was a monster of some sort. Yeah, sure she must have been humiliated and disgusted, but what about the guy? I'm sure he must have also had a rough time. It can't be easy having to accept the fact that as a male you're attracted to other males and not females. The mere fact that he had a girlfriend just proves this.
I can't even begin to understand what he must have went through. As much as society nowadays may be somewhat accepting of homosexuality, in some households that ideal doesn't mean much, if anything at all. What if he has a dad who doesn't even speak of homosexuals? What if to him homosexuals are not human beings? What if his mom believed with her entire soul that anyone and everyone who is gay or lesbian will never see heaven? It can't be easy for someone to deal with something like that.
Most African cultures do not understand the concept of being gay or lebian and therefore do not accept it. In many cases parents have disowned their children because of it. I think that is the worst thing a parent can do to their child. It erases the idea of unconditional love completely. I could never do that to my child. I don't particularly agree with homosexuality but if my son or daughter were to come to me and tell me that this is the deal, I would accept it and reassure him or her that nothing has changed.
I took a decision some years ago never to judge anyone based on their sexual orientation. We are not God. What right have we to say what he or she is doing with him or her is wrong? I always try to think of myself in their shoes. If I was to discover that I was a homosexual I wouldn't want my parents to cut all ties with me. I would want them to tell me that they don't judge me and they will always be by my side, no matter what society thinks or says.
I have many friends on campus who are either gay or lesbian and some of them have been subjected to other students' preconceived ideas that homosexuality is wrong and a sin and any individual engaging in any such activity didn't deserve to live. I think that is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard and seen. There has actually been an extremely high rise in homophobia since last year and that worries me because more people keep getting beaten up; Gay Bashing, as they call it.
Frankly, if I was Shelly and my boyfriend told me he was gay my reaction would have probably been very different. Naturally, I would feel some sense of humiliation I guess. I do, however, think that with my being the kind of person that I am I would very quickly start worrying about everything else. The situation is bigger than just "I'm humiliated and ashamed. Stay away from me. I never want to see you again". Surely I must mean something to him if he felt he couldn't string me along and lie to me by pretending to be heterosexual then he can keep face. If he can gather up that much courage to tell me that it means he is actually looking out for me. So surely then he can't be all that bad.
Coming from an African/Black family and having been raised with certain ideals, I would start worrying about whether he still has parents. By this I mean two adults who consider him worthy of being their son and don't feel that his sexuality changes anything about him.
It can't be easy being told that you fell in love with a guy you thought was heterosexual, but turned out to be gay. I sympathise with her. But at the same time, it can't be easy discovering that about yourself and having to accept it. It can't be easy knowing that you may be letting your parents down; your entire family. It can't be easy knowing that you have destroyed someone else's happiness just so you can live in denial. I can't be easy realising that you're gay and suddenly having to deal with it. So for that, I sympathise with her ex-boyfriend as well.
A person will never change; they will always stay the same. That person will always be the same guy or girl you've known. Why should I now pull ranks because he or she tells me she may be homosexual? What does that then say about me? What does it say about the people I value? Nothing. That simple fact; that minor detail can never change the fact that I appreciate you as a person and as a friend. My friends mean more to me than what society says or thinks. I value the people in my life and I would stick by them... no matter what. I would stick by them... homosexual, heterosexual or anything else. That doesn't, and can never ever change who they are. Never!
Crash & Burn...
posted by Tumi at 1:08 PM
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