A Different Way of Looking at your BODY...

We got the afternoon
You got this room for two
One thing I've left to do
Discover me
Discovering you

One mile to every inch of
Your skin like porcelain
One pair of candy lips and
Your bubblegum tongue

And if you want love
We'll make it
Swimming a deep sea
Of blankets
Take all your big plans
And break 'em
This is bound to be a while

Your body Is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
Your body Is a wonderland

Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase
You tell me where to go and
Though I might leave to find it
I'll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it

You want love?
We'll make it
Swimming a deep sea
Of blankets
Take all your big plans
And break 'em
This is bound to be a while

Your body Is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
Your body Is a wonderland

Damn baby
You frustrate me
I know you're mine all mine all mine
But you look so good it hurts sometimes

Your body Is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
Your body Is a wonderland
Your body is a wonderland

Your Body is a Wonderland

John Mayer

Crash & Burn...

The INSANITY That Is Facebook!

I'm a Facebook user so MySpace is somewhat foreign to me. One can only handle so much networking. Facebook probably one of the most widely used networking websites across the globe. I became lucky... or a casualty, depending on the way you look at it. By mid-March 2007 I was an addict.
Now I just log on to check my inbox, new friend requests, and to get hold of people. So despite the fact that Bandwidth is a major problem because Facebook is 'recreational' and not educational, I think it does serve some useful purpose for your average person. I mean, you get into contact with people you haven't spoken to in years; long lost friends whom you could have only but dreamed of hearing from again.
No wonder the creater refused to be bought out by Microsoft. I reckon I'd also refuse if I knew my brainchild was worth over $15 000 000... and to think he is not even 25 years old yet. Some people have all the luck!

Crash & Burn...

It's Too Late...

I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me then you go and cut me down
But wait
You tell that you're sorry didn't think I'd turn around and say....

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another cahnce, take a fall, take a shot for you
I need you like a heart needs a beat, but it's nothing new, yeah
I loved like a fire -red, now it's turning blue
And you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid....

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late.... whoaa ohhh

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah
I said its'too late to apologize, yeah

I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet... off the ground...

'Apologize'

Timbaland ft OneRepublic

Crash & Burn...

This is me... a whole year later.

Crash & Burn...

And Then Some...

For the past week Grahamstown, or rather some parts of Grahamstown have been getting by with bottled water. I do not even want to think about costs, considering the fact that an endless supply has been shipped out to Rhodes. I suppose the university and the town alike would have many a angry parent on their hands.
One thing's for sure, it's been a hell of week. Intoxicated water and what not. Only in Grahamstown.
Earlier this week, on monday, I was told something which is so hard to deal with... and yet I have no choice but to accept it and face it. Clinical Depression. It's one of those things I used to think "Oh, that won't happen to me", but guess what? It did.

I kind of understand where my cousin comes from now. She suffers from Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression). I know it's not the same... but I can't help, nonetheless, really empathising with her. I tried so hard to hide it... and I think I succeeded to a certain extent, which is probably why things turned out the way they did.
I remember how we all just used to think she was really moody and bad-tempered... until one day she was diagnosed. She's so strong though; I don't know if I could have handled being in her shoes. I'm struggling to handle a much less serious medical problem, what more what she has to go through.

Last weekend I experienced something like a breakdown of some sorts. That's where all of this started. I am in the process of discovering the cause in order to come to a solution, but talking does so much good. That's something that I'll never fail at doing. Talking...

Anyway, I am currently seeing a counsellor so that should be useful. I can't help but feel crazy. Me? Seeing a shrink? Because that is what it is... I'm seeing a shrink. I somehow imagined such a day being the happiest of my life. I always joke about having to find myself a shrink. I knew I was destined to end up in that chair... you don't live life the way I do and get away with it without a scratch. That would be a miracle.

I owe a lot to my "breakdown"... but mostly my carelessness. I cannot believe I neglected myself like I did. I know better now.

I can only hope that this won't have a serious effect on my exams... seeing as it's that time of the year again. I guess this is where my Faith comes in...

There are just some things a person should never take for granted, like the fact that one is able to live a normal life without serious problems. The last thing you should do is overload it with trivial things that will ultimately amount to a heavy load of nothing that's just causing so much pain and agony.
Until then, though, I shall continue with the sessions and maybe, just maybe, I may come out of this the same person I've always been. For now, I just have to accept, deal and move on... because that's just how the cookie crumbles.

Crash & Burn....

Testimony: Vol. 1, Life & Relationships - India.Arie

There's so much meaning in the songs on this album; they all have that stamp of individuality yet at the same time there's at least one song to which a person can relate. After having done a bit of reading on what inspired her to do the album, I realised that life is probably the best teacher any person can have.

There's hope
It doesn't cost a thing to smile
You don't have to pay to laugh
You better thank God for that

There's a song on the album inspired by world famous freedom fighter and former president of South Africa, Nelson Mandela. At first one would think "How cliché. How typical to write a song after meeting the man", but then I listened...

I just want you to know
After everything that we've been through
I just want you to know
That I still love you
That I still love you

For every person the words will have a specific kind of significance. I don't believe it's about what she meant but rather how I, as the listener, can relate to what she's saying. How that features in my life; the significance of those in my life...

If Nelson Mandela can forgive his oppressors
Surely I can forgive you for your passion

If Gandhi can forgive persecution
Surely you can forgive me for being so petty

If Jesus can forgive crucifixion
Surely we can survive and find resolution

At the end of the day it's all about forgiveness, as she says...

I'm only human
Let's shake free this gravity of resentment
And fly high, and fly high
You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgment
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness

What I find to be of huge signifincance; what I believe is the essence of the song is when she says...

After everything that we've been through
I just want you to know
That I still love you
I want you to know
That I forgive you
(thank you for teaching how to give)
And I wanna let you know how much you changed my life
I wanna let you know you taught me how to fly
And I wrote this song to tell you this
I'm better cuz you taught me how to give

My personal favourite; about fitting in and being judged by your appearance...

I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations no no
I am not my hair
I ma not this skin
I am a soul that lives within

Crash & Burn...

The Things I Never Knew I Never Knew...

These past few weeks have taught me so much about myself... and most of it was all completely news to me; strengths, weakness, etc. It happens though; you learn something - either valuable or not - about yourself and then you make the decision to shrug it off or take something from that hopefully valuable detail.
Mistakes are life and regrets, in my universe, are non-existent. How is a person expected to learn things if they're always going to be doing everything right and by the book? That doesn't happen and, quite frankly, I don't think it ever will. Perfectionism is but a state of mind.

That should be the learning curve; that point where you learn to accept the simple fact that you will always be a pushover; you will always be oversensitive; you will always be a rebel, an angel or even both. If it's something you didn't know about yourself now you do. What's left is for you to deal and move on. Nothing's changed; you're still the same person with new developments to your peronality, which is nothing but FUN!!

I love my developed self; put together with my usual self the result is a BOMB that will continue to crash and burn, no doubt. No one can handle it better than me. I love it!!

Crash & Burn...

It's ALL Over!!!

I'm still finding it hard to believe that all the source of my pain and turmoil is gone. It's been some hours since it all officiall ended, and yet I'm struggling to grasp the fact that it's all over.
The conference happened this past weekend and it went well, despite a few high profile egomaniacs who believe they are centre of the universe pulling out on us at the very last minute. I guess it has a great deal to do with what's on the surface and not really about what's really going on behind closed doors.
The adventure also went pretty damn well, if I have to say so myself. We were all very exhausted at the end of it, which is to be expected, but it was great nonetheless. Everybody was happy!!

I have so much catching up to do... in everything. Well, since I have most of my time free to throw around I may as well look to that and fix what needs to be fixed.

On Saturday Robin broke the world record for dj with the longest live radio broadcast. The previous record was 125 hours by some Italian guy, I don't remember his name. I'm so freakin proud of that guy; he has really done very well for himself, nevermind the fact that he's put South Africa, Rhodes University and Rhodes Music Radio on the map. What a guy; a LEGEND!! I need to get a copy of that Guinness Book of Records ASAP!! Thereafter I shall brag to all that I know that I know the most uber special guy in the history of radio broadcasts.

Anyway, life goes on...

Crash & Burn...

I Have Crashed... And Then Crashed Again... And Again.... Still Falling!

The last time I posted I was having the worst week of my life. I still think it is a moment which deserves to go down in history.
At the moment I am being victimised at the Highway Africa Conference. Poor me. I have been slaving away since Saturday dealing with 'nice and not so nice' people. Africans are very interesting beings indeed.
I must say I have never seen a student so determined to make such a huge effort to be considered for a job after graduating. I will not name the individual, for the sake of his future in the media industry. He is a JMS 4 graduate student and he's on a roll. Yesterday he entertained Snuki Zikalala by offering him his CV and personal info in case he needed someone to take up a job.
Hey, at least he made an impression. He won't be forgotten after that incident. I think he's offered his CV to 20 people already. I guess it's every man for himself.
Duty Calls. The VIPs and all the high profile people need immediate assistance. They cannot be kept waiting.

Crash & Burn...

It's Official... Life Really Does Suck

Never in my life did I ever think I would reach this point. I have literally had multiple crashes since monday and they seem to be coming at an incredibly fast speed. There was a point where I actually felt that ceasing to exist may just be the best option. Thank goodness I lack the courage to actually take my own life.
I came to realisation earlier today that I am spreading myself too thin and because of that I may just have a serious nervous breakdown. It's actually very funny because no one would think it, especially since it me.
I was told by a number of people that I seem like a person who has everything figured out and sorted; someone who is "in control". Boy, are they wrong!
For some stupid reason I fail to remember that I am only ONE person... not 20 000. If I was 20 000 I would have such a hard time being in so many places all at once. However, because I fail to recognise when I'm taking it too far it results in moments like these... when everything and everyone is the most irritating and annoying thing ever. Yet I express all this with a huge smile and cheerful "Hello".
Most people only go through all this when they're in their 30s or something, not in their 2nd year of varsity. What makes it even worse is that my priorities are so messed up; what belongs at the bottom of the list is way on top and what should be at the very top is right at the bottom. As far as I know that is NOT having everything figured out and sorted; there's extremelack of control.
I am actually giving true meaning to the name of my blog right now... "Crash & Burn...". Well, the "burn" part still has to come because it just feels like this endless process of "crashing". I am living the phrase... and it's not sweet. It totally sucks. I'm expecting a whole chunk of e-mails from many people giving me a whole lot of lip. Now there's something to look forward to.

Crash & Burn...